Flashback two years...

January 16th 2009 will always be a special date to me.  Two days before, my husband and I were agreeing to disagree.  Since I don't like it when he doesn't see things my way, I walked away and sulked in the bedroom.  I was trying to convince him that I was pregnant.  He was reminding me that it wasn't possible.  Nine months earlier we were told that our chances of conceiving a child on our own would be less than 5%.  You can see where he was coming from.  I'm sure he thought I had gone mad.

But I was so sure.  At least, I thought I was so sure.

I felt different.

I had all these weird symptoms that pointed to pregnancy.  But, they could also be easily explained by other conditions.  The nausea in the morning was the soy milk.  The heartburn was what I was eating.  The peeing all the time was the intake of water.

Yet, somehow I knew something was up.  I must have felt it deep in my heart because otherwise, I wouldn't have purchased that pregnancy test after work.  I remember cursing myself the whole time.  As I was trying to figure out which one to buy, my inner judge was saying "You know you're not pregnant.  Let it go.  You're not pregnant. Oh, get the cheapest one.  That way, when you find out you're not pregnant, you won't feel like such an idiot for buying this."

Then, I went to pay.  Judge: "Do you realize that you could buy 4, count 'em, 4 Starbucks coffees with that?  Or, a book.  You could buy a book.  You're not pregnant.  You're wasting your money on this stupid pregnancy test".  I hand over my credit card.

Driving home.  Judge: "You know what's going to happen???  You're going to go home, take this test, it will be negative, you'll get your period tomorrow and you'll feel like an idiot."

When I got home, I stuffed the test in my bag, told my husband I was going to change into my comfy clothes and ran to the washroom to take the test.  I was shaking the whole time.  I followed the instructions diligently, put the cap on, rested it on the counter and proceeded to wait the suggested two minutes.  I waited maybe thirty seconds before peeking.

Judge: You know you're not...

Plus sign.

Judge: silence.

Plus sign.  Very dark plus sign.  Pregnant.

"Oh, my god.  I'm pregnant."

I waited about five minutes before heading out of the bathroom to tell my husband.  I was in complete shock.  How is this possible???  Less than 5%???  Pregnant???

I held the test in both hands, walked down the hall and stood in the living room in shock.  I looked at my husband and said "I don't know how it's possible, but I'm pregnant."  He jumped up from the couch, ran over to me, grabbed me and hugged me.

Then, shock set in for him.  Neither one of us remembers what went on in the world that week.

Two years later, we still don't remember much of anything except that we both love that little girl that came into our lives with all our hearts.  Knowing in that moment that we were lucky to be having this one chance, it was all we could ever have wished for.